


Falter

by Humanitys_Saltiest



Series: Bottom Erwin Week 2018 [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Amputation, Body Worship, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Recovery, Season 2 spoilers, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 01:20:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14438409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanitys_Saltiest/pseuds/Humanitys_Saltiest
Summary: Contains spoilers from season 2, read at your own risk!





	Falter

**Author's Note:**

> This is for day four of bottom erwin week, the prompt is 'body worship'!  
> Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr (humanitys-saltiest) for drabbles and instant updates of fics and new works.  
> Enjoy!

Levi thought that he had been prepared for anything. Years of watching kids half his age getting torn apart by titans had desensitized him. There were still times when he would falter, when the shock of loss knocked him back hard enough for him to lose his footing. After losing his squad, Erwin had been there to catch him, holding him through the night as grief filled cries ripped through him, tender comforts whispered in his ear. He eased the pain, picked up the broken pieces of what was left of his heart and put them back together piece by piece. Erwin was his tether, the light pushing back the darkness. Levi lived for Erwin, and nothing else. So when the Commander announced the plans for the rescue mission to get Eren back, without Levi, the Corporal had never felt so uneasy.

Levi had spent the entire day busying himself with small tasks, babysitting pastor Nick and the MPs, keeping the cadets in check, anything to stop himself from thinking about his Commander fighting without him on a hopeless rescue mission. He could barely stand the thought of being separated from Erwin, let alone when Erwin was going off on a dangerous mission. The thoughts gnawed away at his mind, wearing away his patience. Soon after Erwin left for head to his room to get ready to leave, Levi climbed off the cart and headed inside after him. The heels of his shoes tapped on the wooden floors as he walked down the hall, the irregular beat from his limping footsteps echoing off the stone walls. Levi didn't even bother to knock, barging into the room Erwin claimed for their stay in Trost. Slamming the door shut behind him, the Corporal marched up to the desk, ignoring the sharp spike of pain through his leg at each heavy step.

"I'm coming with you on the rescue mission," Levi demanded, tone wickedly sharp. Erwin looked up from the piece of paper in front of him, eyebrows lifted in surprise for a moment before pinching together. His blue eyes stayed glued to the Corporal, filled with concern as he pushed the paper off to the side before clasping his hands together on top of the desk.

"Absolutely not. Sending an injured man to battle is a death sentence," Erwin said quietly, tone of voice unusually soft. Levi immediately dismissed the other's words, stepping up to the desk and tightly gripping the edge of it with his hands until his knuckled went white.

"Don't give me that bullshit. I'm fine to fight," snapped the dark haired male, stormy grey eyes glaring daggers into the man sitting at the desk. Erwin wordlessly stood, pushing away from the desk and motioning to the couch.

"Sit down." The Commander spoke, voice still soft, but with a stern undertone. Levi hesitated for a second before he obeyed, moving over to the couch and sitting down with a sharp sigh. Crossing his arms over his chest, the short man watched with a scowl as Erwin walked over, standing in front of Levi to hold eye contact with him before sinking down to his knees. The blond lifted Levi's left foot, undoing the ties of the dress shoe before easing it off his foot with extreme care. The Corporal stayed perfectly still, clenching his teeth together through the pain as he tried to bluff his way into being allowed to go with. Using the same gentle touch, Erwin removed the sock before slowly unwinding the bindings around the ankle, exposing the bruised flesh. His fingers were cold against the heated skin, carefully skimming over the curve of his foot in a way that made Levi want to sigh out a relieved breath. But he held it in, not willing to let the other see the extent of his injuries. Erwin carefully held his foot up with one hand as the other moved over the bruised area, fingers making their way to the inner side of his foot, pressing into the thin skin over the bone of his ankle. The pressure caused a stabbing pain to lance up his leg, causing him to suck in a sharp breath between gritted teeth. Concern in his eyes, Erwin immediately lifted his fingers from the spot, gently caressing the arch of Levi's foot instead.

"I though you said you were fine. While I may not be a doctor, I think I can tell when a bone is fractured, Levi. You shouldn't even be wearing a shoe, let alone walking around." Erwin murmured softly, leaning down to graze his lips over the darkest part of the bruise on his ankle. Letting out a shaky breath, the dark haired man looked off to the side, shoulders slumping in defeat when he could tell he wasn't going to be able to convince Erwin to change his mind, he was far too stubborn. The room was silent as the Commander carefully wrapped the bindings around the slender ankle and foot, moving to sit beside him once he was finished.

"When do you need to leave?" Levi murmured softly, leaning his head against his lover's shoulder as he closed his eyes. After a few moments of shifting around, he could feel Erwin's arms wrap around him, sinking further into his warmth.

"Once the lifts and horses are up on the wall ready for transport. I'd say about twenty minutes." Erwin murmured into his hair, nose pressed against his scalp as they sat together in a comfortable silence, neither of them wanting to move. They lost track of time, listening to their slow breaths and steady hearts for what could have been the last time. From what Levi heard, the changes of success, or even survival, were low. And judging by Erwin's stiff posture, he wasn't the only one who thought so either.

A knock on the door interrupted their moment, Erwin pulling back and standing to answer the door. A cadet was there to notify the Commander that the lifts were ready to go, they were just waiting for Erwin. Taking opportunity of Erwin's back being turned, Levi tugged the sock onto his foot before slipping his foot into the stiff dress shoe. Hearing the door close, he looked up to see Erwin looking down at him, disapproval apparent in his eyes. 

"If you think I'm going to sit around like I'm crippled or something, you're wrong. I at least have to see you off." Levi mumbled softly, standing up and moving over to the door. They walked down the hallway together, moving at a slower pace to accommodate Levi's foot. Erwin discussed the mission, telling him that if he didn't return alive, he had listed Hange as the one to replace him as Commander, and Levi was written as the sole inheritor to his money and possessions. The short man nodded along, trying to ignore how the thought of losing Erwin made his stomach twist into painful knots.

Standing outside, he watched Erwin equip his gear, feeling his heart pounding against his ribs as he thought about possibility of it being the last time he saw Erwin alive. Levi wanted to run over to him, to hold him and never let go, but he couldn't. Not with all these people around. The least he could do was hold eye contact with him before giving him a subtle nod. Watching him take off up the wall, Levi closed his eyes, feeling as if someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest.

* * *

The rest of the day was agony for the Corporal, his temper reduced to a sliver that made him want to beat the shit out of anyone who came close, which he almost did a few times. Those MP shitheads had the gall to joke about fighting titans when Erwin was probably doing just that at the same time. But Levi had to keep it together, for Erwin.

Every time he heard the zip of cables, the dark haired man felt his heart leap in his chest, only to sink when he saw it was just a garrison soldier. As soon as he sun went down, he retired to his room and collapsed onto the couch while clutching at the over-sized jacket around his shoulders. Turning his head, he buried his nose in the lapel, inhaling deeply to catch the familiar scent of Erwin's cologne, musky with undertones of pine. 

Sleeping was an impossible task for Levi on every night, especially without his lover's soft touches and words to lull him to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he imagined Erwin on the battlefield, being torn apart by titans. He laid down, staring at the wall as he listened to the faint tick of the clock on the mantle, looking at it every now and then. 

Just after two in the morning, the sound of panicked shouting pulled Levi from his thoughts, sitting up suddenly and ignoring when the room spun in response. He rushed to the door, throwing it open and almost running right into someone, a cadet, their blond hair like spun gold going in every direction. Arlert, from the 104th. The poor kid was in a panic, stumbling over his words at every attempt. Levi thought of what Erwin would do, putting a heavy hand on the kid's shoulder and giving him a shake.

"Calm down. I can't understand I bloody word you're saying. Take a deep breath, then try again." Levi grumbled, voice rough as the cadet did as he directed before pointing down the hall.

"It's the Commander, he's been rushed to the hospital and-" Levi didn't hear the kid after that, focusing on the words 'commander' and 'hospital'. He turned and tore down the hall as fast as he could go. Arlert called after him, his words falling unheard. The only thing Levi could hear was the rapid pound of his heart as he sprinted down the hall, too rushed on adrenaline to feel any pain in his foot. Bursting out of the building, he ignored the other soldiers coming to report to him, breathing in the cool night air as he hurried down the street to the hospital. 

Once inside, he was hit with the heavy smell of disinfectant, putting one hand against the wall as a wave of dizziness washed over him. The pain in his foot slowly started to ebb into focus, yet he pushed it away. He couldn't think about that, not until he saw Erwin. A hand rested on his shoulder, making him jerk away from it with a sharp breath. His ears were filled with static, vision blurred as the hand returned and tightened it's grip on his shoulder. Levi was vaguely aware of someone calling his name, sounding as if his ears had been stuffed with cotton. He was snapped back into clarity in the form of a sharp slap that left his cheek stinging, blinking as his eyes focused again and landed on a familiar pair of chestnut brown eyes.

"Levi! Take a breath! You're okay. You just need to calm down." Hange shook his shoulders, hands staying on Levi's shoulders to keep him steady. As soon as the room stopped spinning, he gripped the from of the Squad Leader's shirt in a tight grip, eyes wide. 

"Where is he? Where's Erwin?" Levi demanded, grey eyes wide as he grit his teeth through the pain. Hange's eyes filled with sympathy, grabbing his hands and prying them off of their shirt. 

"He's upstairs, in a room. I was about to come find you." The Squad Leader spoke softly, voice weak as Levi finally noticed the blistering skin over the other's face.

"What the hell happened to you? You look like shit." Levi spoke softly, watching the other shake their head with a quick 'long story' before grabbing his wrist to lead him upstairs. As the two of them walked down the hall, time seemed to slow down, moving slower and slower until they reached the room at the end of the hall. The door was cracked open, but the room was silent. Levi reached for the knob, slowly pushing the door open.

The room was dark, the only source of light was the dim shine of the moon through the large windows. He could barely make out the shape of a bed, approaching it as Hange moved to light the lamp on the desk beside him. Levi squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light, widening once the light no longer stung his eyes. Erwin was unconscious, face slack and pale. There seemed to be nothing wrong with him, moving his eyes over the other's form. 

But then he saw it.

His bandaged shoulder, the wrapping continuing down his arm, which abruptly ended about halfway down the bicep. His arm was gone. Erwin had lost an arm. Levi wobbled, feeling as if the floor had opened up under his feet. Hange asked if he was alright and if he wanted to be alone, responding to both with a sharp nod. Once the door clicked shut behind the Squad Leader, Levi sunk down to his knees and leaned forward on the bed, taking Erwin's remaining hand between both of his own and pressing his lips to the back of it. 

Whenever he faltered, Erwin would always be there to catch him. But what happened when Erwin wasn't there to catch him?

* * *

Levi never left his side, sitting in a chair beside the bed, day and night. He refused to leave, even when the nurses tried to convince him to go get some rest. The Corporal had demanded the nurse show him how to change the dressings of Erwin's arm-or what was left of it, so that no one else had to come in and see Erwin when he was like this. He had never seen the man look so frail before, it left him aching, like his heart had been rubbed raw with sand paper. The first time he saw the wound, while he was changing the soiled bandages, the sight had made him queasy. The sight of blood mixed with torn ligaments and bone wasn't what bothered him. It was knowing that it was  _Erwin's_ arm, torn and mangled in some filthy titan's stomach, that made the room spin. 

Erwin was unconscious for a week, Levi keeping him clean and hydrated through his fevers. The day he woke, Levi had left to get a nurse before the blond had fully woken up. He couldn't see Erwin, not yet. What would he say? He had no idea. After dinner, he slowly walked down the hall, stopping in front of the door. It was silent, there was no one in there, most likely. But he could see the glow from the lamp under the door. Levi waited for what felt like hours, slowly reaching out and curling his fingers around the metal doorknob, the surface cool under his hand. He twisted the knob, pushing the door open slowly, in case Erwin was asleep. However as soon as he opened the door, he saw Erwin was sitting up in the small hospital bed, an open book in his left hand.The soft creak from the door alerted Erwin of his presence, blue eyes looking up from the book and landing on Levi. For someone who just lost an arm, he looked calm, as if nothing had happened. Levi approached the bed, legs shaking as he stood by the base of it. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but nothing came out. Seeing his hesitation, Erwin gave him a rueful smile.

"It's that bad, huh?" The blond murmured softly, letting out a weak laugh that made Levi's heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He shook his head quickly, opening his mouth to speak but being cut off by Erwin. "I have eyes, I can see how it looks. Don't lie to me, Levi. I'm far too tired for that." The Commander spoke softly, giving the man standing by the bed a sad smile. Snapping out of his daze, Levi sat down on the edge of the bed beside Erwin, careful not to disturb him. 

"Cut the shit, Erwin. You know that's not what I meant," he snapped, cringing internally at what he just said. The first thing he says to Erwin after losing his arm and it's some snarky comment. "Fuck. Sorry. That's not what I meant." Letting out a sharp breath, he lifted a hand to rub at his face before resting a hand on his chest. "It really doesn't look that bad. You're still you, Erwin. That's what I care about." His hand slowly moved, resting fully over the other's heart and feeling the strong heartbeat underneath his hand. After a moment, Erwin set the book in his hand down before his hand moved to rest on top of his. A few seconds of silence ticked by before Erwin spoke up, pulling his hand away. 

"I think you should leave me, Levi." Erwin's voice was quiet, sad eyes betraying his emotionless expression. The statement was like a punch in the chest, enough to make Levi rear back. 

"Did you get brain damage too? Why the hell would I do that?" The shorter man scowled, taking Erwin's hand again and holding it tight so that he couldn't let go. With a small sigh, the blond turned his head away to look out the window, closing his eyes.

"I don't think I can still be a suitable lover for you, Levi. You certainly deserve better." Erwin spoke softly, keeping his head turned away from him. Levi gaped at the other, speechless. The shock was quickly replaced by a flash of anger, as he quickly shifted onto the bed to straddle his hips and hold the other's face between his own two hands. Blue eyes stared at him in surprise, the raw emotion in them making it hard for Levi to breathe. Taking in a shaky breath, the dark haired man held eye contact with him, thumbs rubbing over the stubble growing on his face.

"You listen here, you piece of shit," Levi hissed out, voice dangerously low but the grip on Erwin's face feather light. "You don't get to decide when I stop loving you. That is my decision entirely. And if you think losing an arm is going to change that, well you're fucking wrong." He watched as each word made Erwin's eyebrows rise higher in surprise, letting out a heavy breath that washed over the other's face. The air quickly grew heavy between them, and Levi didn't hesitate to crush their lips together, feeling Erwin's hand rest on his knee and slowly move up his thigh to his hip. Their eyes fluttered shut simultaneously, both leaning in towards each other to press their bodies together, desperate for the contact. The two men only pulled away when their lungs burned, lips kiss-swollen and aching.

As soon as they caught their breath, Levi leaned in again, taking Erwin's lower lip between his teeth and biting it hard enough to draw a low groan from the taller male. He listened carefully for any signs of pain from the blond, only hearing lustful groans as the other rocked his hips up into his own. Levi kissed along the curve of Erwin's jaw, trying to ignore the scratchy hairs against his lips as he continued up to his ear. 

"I love you, Erwin. Every fucking bit of you, okay?" The dark haired man murmured softly, tongue tracing the edge of cartilage around his ear as he pressed their hips together again, earning another groan from his lover. His hands slowly moved down to the hem of the other's shirt and carefully pulling it up and off of Erwin. 

As soon as the shirt was off, Levi's grey eyes immediately moved to the thick bandages around his shoulder and the stump of his arm, taking in a shaky breath. Sensing Erwin's uncertainly, he ducked down and grazed his lips over the bandage, moving over to kiss at his collarbones.

"It doesn't make you less of a person. I don't love you any less than I did before. Now that one part is gone, the rest of you has a little more of my love," murmured Levi, too caught up in the moment to be embarrassed by his words. He moved back, helping Erwin lay down fully to get comfortable and straddling his hips. Leaning down, the shorter man pressed a line of kisses to his chest, brushing his lips over one of Erwin's nipples and smirking at the sharp gasp it drew from him. "Honestly, Erwin. How could you think that I don't love you?" Levi pressed the flat of his tongue against the small bud, feeling it quickly harden under his touches, he carefully nipped it, listening to the moan that escaped the other with a predatory smirk.

After a minute or so of teasing, he sat up and slid the suit jacket off before tossing it on the chair. Untying the cravat, he tugged it off and slowly began to unbutton his shirt, aware of how closely Erwin was watching him. Levi hurried with the rest of the buttons, tossing it to join the jacket and cravat on the chair. He dug around in his pocket, pulling out a small vial of oil. The amused look on his lover's made made Levi frown, crossing his arms for a moment. 

"What, you think I wasn't planning on us having sex after being reunited?" He said with a small smirk, seeing a smile grow on Erwin's face that made his heart do somersaults. Pulling off the sheets, he settled between Erwin's legs, pushing them further apart. Levi was quick to remove the other's underwear as well as he rest of his own clothes, hungrily drinking in the site of the other's body. "Fuck...you're gorgeous. Don't you ever forget that." Levi murmured, wiggling down to kneel between his legs before bending down to press a kiss to the curve of his hip, murmuring an 'I love you' against the skin. 

Erwin shifted on the bed, his cock heavily resting on his stomach, hard and flushed as he squirmed at each sweet word from Levi. He lifted his hips, gasping out the other's name and a soft 'please'. Carefully, the dark haired man unscrewed the lid on the small bottle, pouring the cold fluid over his fingers and rubbing them together. The sight of Erwin spread out in front him, flushed and desperate, made a low groan escape him. Levi was getting increasingly impatient at each passing second, pressing two fingers against the tight muscle and rubbing slow circles to get him to relax.

"You think I can just start off with two?" Levi murmured softly, biting back a grin when Erwin responded by nodding desperately. He slowly began to push them in, feeling the muscles squeezing impossibly tight before slowly relaxing. Once he passed through the ring of muscle, he was able two smoothly slide his fingers in the rest of the way. The sharp gasp that left Erwin's lips made his head snap up, chest seizing up when he thought he had hurt him, but his worries quickly faded when Erwin followed the gasp with a low moan. When he felt that Erwin was adequately relaxed, he crooked his fingers inside of Erwin, pressing them against the firmness of his prostate. The moan that ripped it's way out of the blond's throat lit a fire in Levi's belly, heat coursing through his veins. He continued to carefully nudge the tips Erwin quickly clamped his hand over his mouth to silence himself, something Levi had not bothered to think of.

"Fuck you look incredible like this, Erwin..." Levi breathed out, licking his lips as he wiggled his fingers before pulling them out. The cool substance in contrast to the heated skin of his cock was enough to draw a gasp from the dark haired man, his eyes fluttering shut as he stroked the oil over the length of his swollen cock. Lining himself up, he slowly began to press into him as his free hand gripped Erwin's thigh and squeezed at the muscle under his hand. Levi watched Erwin, light skin flushed pink with his eyes half lidded and his hair like a golden halo around him. The taller man let out a long groan into his hand that didn't stop until Levi bottomed out, his broad chest heaving with each pant.

Levi waited until he could feel Erwin relax around him, the tight squeeze making him gasp out a series of colourful curses, before he began to set a slow pace. The bed creaked softly under them, showing it had the potential to get much louder, so it would be best if they kept things slow. Levi leaned down and pressed his lips to the curve of Erwin's left pectoral, unable to reach his lips. Each slow thrust of his hips made Erwin moan softly, mouth still covered as he tilted his head back. His legs spread wide, loosely wrapped around the smaller man's hips.

Despite the slow pace of Levi's hips, there were both so wound up that it didn't take them long to get close, especially with how Levi made sure to press against his lover's prostate with exact precision. Their moans quickly became louder, kisses more desperate as Levi whispered praises against Erwin's skin. They steadily became less and less coherent as the thrust of his hips continued, eventually devolving into a broken mantra of Erwin's name that continued, even as Erwin arched his back off the mattress and cried out against his firm palm. 

Levi bucked his hips forward, picking up the pace quickly as he felt the coil in his groin winding up tighter. The room filled with the sound of the springs in the bed creaking loudly over heavy pants and barely stifled moans as Levi moved to wrap his oil-slicked hand around the thick length of Erwin's cock, stroking it at a steady pace that left the blond writhing on the bed. 

Erwin came onto their fronts soon after that with a muffled shout, a violent shudder ripping through him at the intensity of his orgasm before he went limp on the bed. Levi gasped sharply at the sudden tightness, eyes squeezing shut as he pulled out at the last minute and stroked himself the rest of the way to his release, hitting his orgasm with a long moan as he made an even worse mess of Erwin's stomach before collapsing on top of him. Levi rested his head on the other's chest, hearing the rapid thump of his heartbeat under his lover's heavy breathing.

They laid there together, the remnants of adrenaline quickly fading as exhaustion settled in. Before they ended up passing out, Levi slowly climbed out of the bed, grabbing a cloth from the pile on the table and dipping it in the bowl of water before slowly sauntering back over to the bed. The dark haired man was quick to clean them up, putting the cloth in the small basket that served as a laundry hamper.

After he helped Erwin pull on some underwear, he did the same and eagerly climbed into the small bed to lay on his lover's left side, half on him due to the small size of the bed. Levi relaxed into the warmth, tugging the thin blanket over them as Erwin's arm draped over him. Resting his head on his chest, Levi was about to fall asleep when he suddenly lifted his head to give the blond a light glare.

"No more depressing shit, alright? I'll always love you, you big oaf." Levi murmured, earning a chuckle and a soft half asleep mumble of agreement from Erwin. Setting his head back down on his chest, he let his eyes slip shut and quickly fell asleep to the steady beat of Erwin's heart.


End file.
